A hard pill to swallow

My Monday Bank Holiday 6+ mile run bubble has burst. Infused with inspiration to get back into my running schedule, I was up before the crack of dawn this morning. Squeezing into my non-maternity running clothes, I waited until my coffee had kicked in and there was a little bit of sunlight outside (I'm a bit scared of running in the dark).

I always walk for a few minutes to warm up, but it was evident as soon as I started running that my pelvis had not recovered from my long run on Monday. This immediate pain is not normal, so I kept going for about 30 seconds before deciding it was best to bail. I'm not feeling despondent just yet because I'm hoping that it's just too soon after my long run to have attempted another run. I'm really hoping that I will successfully complete my run tomorrow.

What does bother me is the implication that I might not be able to do any more long runs. There's something about running long that fills me with pride and confidence. I will miss that if I have to give it a break and only be able to do shorter runs.

In the meantime, I'm going to start looking at stationary bikes just to make sure I can keep up with exercising. That's how motivated I'm feeling, so I might as well make the most of it.

A true BAMR

Feeling my mood has been slowly slipping into the negative zone, I was determined to get my run in today. I saw the doctor on Wednesday and he encouraged me to keep running as much as I can (yay!), but to take it easy. So perhaps running at a pace one minute from my personal best for the 10k isn't such a great idea right now.

This is me last weekend after the Richmond 10k. Yes, one minute from my personal best. 

The pace was so fast (and tough) for the first 1k that I cried, terrified that I'd come in last. 

That fast pace left my pelvis in a lot of discomfort, something that really worried me after all the pain I experienced with my last pregnancy. But, determined to deal with this proactively and to be more fit this pregnancy, the doctor has referred me for physiotherapy and I'm going to keep running.

This morning I set off for my run with optimism and a dose of forgiveness. I was going to take it slow and I was going to walk if I needed to. The first 2 miles were rough, but once I hit my stride, even the hills didn't slow me down. Well, I attacked one with gusto, the others I allowed myself to walk after giving them a good go.  I felt so good, in fact, that I ran 6 and a quarter miles rather than my planned 5.  I had only finished 5 miles by the time I had finished 10k last weekend, but it didn't bother me because I felt so good.

I won't lie and say the run was pain free because it wasn't, but I was able to run further before it started and I took it easy once it was there. I felt like a true badass mother runner.

My only worry now is how many pitstops I'll need to make for the toilet...

SPD

It was with ginger feet that I left for my run this morning. I'm worried about a condition I had during my last pregnancy: symphysis pubis dysfunction or pelvic girdle pain. It's not uncommon for pregnant women given that our joints get loose in preparation to birth a baby, but it is not pleasant. I was in quite a lot of pain by the end of my last pregnancy which resulted in very little exercise and quite a bit of weight gain. It continued after I had my son and I needed to have some physiotherapy to help it. With all that, it's very much on my mind this pregnancy and a large part of why I'm still running and trying to stay fit.

For the past few weeks, I have started to feel some of the twinges starting during my runs. When I saw a physio after my last pregnancy, she told me that as long as it isn't sharp pain, to carry on. So I have been. And so I ran my first 10k race this past weekend and my pelvis was very sore afterwards. During the race it was just the achy feeling, but for a few days afterwards I would get the sharp pains if my weight wasn't evenly distributed. Most likely this is just from swelling from irritation. I ran the 10k at a pace I did not expect from my pregnant self, but this clearly has made my pelvis unhappy.

So I set off for my run this morning fully expecting to have some pain. I kept at a very, very easy pace and took a short route that I knew I could cut even shorter if I needed to. I felt great for the first two miles and then the pain started again. So, with all this in mind, I am off to the doctor this morning to hopefully control this before it gets out of hand. I'm hoping that I will be able to keep running. For my mental health. For my physical health. And for my baby.

I'll keep you posted.

I need to get out of my head this morning. I feel grumpy and irritable and just plain short fused.

I haven’t been for a run in a week. I planned to run yesterday and today, but my son was up before 5 and came into our bed. He wasn’t back to sleep in time for me to get up at 5, so I chose to sacrifice my run to attempt to get him back to sleep.

I say that I chose this because I know in my head that it is a choice. But my depressive voice is feeling resentful. My childish, selfish depression is shouting, “It’s not fair!”.

I think I am feeling this way because my runs have been decreasing in frequency since we’ve been back in the UK and I’ve started working full time. My fears, which often become self-fulfilling prophecies, were that I wouldn’t be able to run as much while pregnant and that this would lead to a gradual decrease in my mental health. The fact that the pregnancy has nothing to do with the frequency of my runs at this point is irrelevant. They just aren’t happening.

Honestly, it’s been a tough transition and I’m still struggling to find the right balance with the juggling act. While I still feel that going back to work was the right decision for me, I miss my son immensely. And while I love being back in the UK, I don’t have the answers yet to solve this puzzle.

So I will blog about it to at least purge most of it from my head. I need to trust that this is just the best I can do for right now.